I Have to V-E-N-T! Stupid Albanian Water Heater, Power Outages and Landlady!

Today began as any typical work day in for me here in Tirana with the exception of a fresh blanket of snow covering Mount Dajti reminiscent of the recent rash of frigid weather. Waking up at 0630 hours, I elected to write directly from my bed rather than retreat to my living room office. Since the Luminous Lakeside Sanctuary is not insulated, when it's cold, it's cold like a tomb, cold like straddling an icicle. Today I could no longer stand the cold, so I stayed in bed under a sheet, a down comforter and an impenetrable acrylic blanket, which is the most common type of blanket in Albania. I am writing a book and my task is to complete a minimum of two thousand words immediately upon waking. If I am inspired to write more throughout the day, I do, but whatever happens, I must complete the two thousand word minimum.

I typed with gleeful purpose on my laptop in bed and around 0800 hours I could no longer ignore the espresso's siren call, even though I knew I would be able to see my breath in the glacial kitchen and that would infuriate me, but I really wanted the coffee. Returning to the warm bed turned writing desk with my steaming espresso, I finished two thousand two hundred and sixty five words by 0930. Happy I met the morning writing goal, I braved the cold and jumped out of bed to get dressed and wash last night's dishes. A few hours later, I returned to my laptop because today was a good writing day and I was on a roll until the power went out at 1130. Pissed that the power was out, even though it happens at least once a day; if you are in a bad mood, it can push you over the edge.

Suddenly remembering I told my dim witted landlady on Monday that my hot water hasn't been hot since last Thursday. She is twenty-eight year old mother of two who married at fourteen, owns the bakery over which I live and resembles a fashionable living Pillsbury Dough Girl. She told me it wasn't worth a technician's time to come all the way out to install a new thermometer. Furthermore, I had to pay for the new thermometer (800 leke or 8.00 USD); why couldn't they tell me this on Monday? Glowering because I had to leave my sanctuary, we go and buy the superior Italian made thermometer over the inferior Turkish made one. Soon after, an electrician materializes to replace the old one. By 1400 hours, the operation is a success and the little red light on the water heater is again illuminated, indicating in an hour or two I should have hot water.

Stealing into my bathroom every fifteen minutes to watch the temperature gauge inch out of the blue zone and into the red zone becomes an obsession until 1700 hours when the power goes out again. I am still in my bed and still on a roll, typing happily by candlelight and hoping the computer battery will prove a strong contender in the perpetual race between electric and battery power. The power returns at 1830 hours and I am relieved to see the little red light of the water heater return with the rest of the lights. At 1900 hours I am hungry and put some lenticchie piccole on the stove to cook. While they are on the stove I check the temperature gauge in the bathroom and to my shock and dismay the little red light is off again. Son. Of. A. Bitch. I return to my writing anyway.

At 1940 I return to the icy kitchen to check my lentils and the power goes off for the third goddamn time today. While the lentils were cooked, a bit al dente, I drained them in a colander and tossed them in a light coating of olive oil and feta using my cell phone as a flashlight. The power comes back on three minutes later and just because I am a masochist, I return to the bathroom just in time to watch the little red light flicker to life and then die.

As I vent, it is 2025 hours and I am going to venture into the bathroom, even though I am willing to bet the little red light is out. I am wrong! The devilish little red light is ON, but just to prove me wrong. I am still very disturbed by its erratic nature. I vented. I feel better and I wish I had a flute of champagne to celebrate writing one hundred pages of my book: 42,906 words down and 137,094 to go.

P.S. It is 2115 hours and I just brushed my teeth. When I began brushing my teeth the little red light was on; now it's off again; what in the hell is wrong? 2316 and it's still off.

Suckling From the Glass Teat in Macedonia

Greetings from the Sport Lodge Hotel in the Popava ski resort in Mavrovo, Macedonia where the local time is 2312 hours. Mavrovo is about a four and a half hour drive from Tirana through some of the most incredibly gorgeous mountain scenery I have ever seen in my thirty four years on the planet. Driving from Tirana to Elbasan (still in Albania) is one of those frightfully curvilinear roads where if you don't get carsick, it should be considered a personal victory. It's so beautiful that I can't wait until Sunday when we drive back to Albania and in a future blog, I will write about the hot springs located about twenty kilometers from Elbasan. Now back to Macedonia…

I never thought I would ever travel to Macedonia which certain countries (Greece) still refuse to recognize under any other name than, the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (FYROM). Macedonian is the language here and it is written with Cyrillic letters like Russian and Serbian. So far, ninety percent of the signs are also written in Roman letters. Coming from Albania, my first impressions of Macedonia are all positive; it's remarkably cleaner than Albania and the drivers appear to respect the rules of the road much more than their Albanian neighbors. I don't expect to learn much about Macedonian mores since this is a ski resort, but I will return to Skopje in the future for a more profound cultural experience.

Arriving at the hotel around 1900 hours we dined in the hotel since the astronomical price of the room includes dinner and breakfast. Dinner featured an appetizer of sautéed shrimp with lemon and fresh parsley, followed by a salad of shredded white cabbage, shredded carrots, and shredded beets. The entrée was bland curried chicken with peas, corn, and pureed potatoes. Dessert was a rich chocolate cake. The food was average and probably not traditionally Macedonian at all, but what do you expect in a ski resort? After dinner and a nightcap, we strolled around the ski lifts to scout the lifts, trails, and the cute little ski village at the base of the great mountain.

I am typing this from my bed in the hotel room which has the nicest white down comforter I have seen in a hotel since the Hilton in Abu Dhabi in 2007. I luxuriated in a shower because I haven't taken a shower where I could actually stand up and allow the water to fall over me as in all American showers. The Albanian bathroom in the Luminous Lakeside Sanctuary, while beautiful, contains a large bathtub with a shower head that isn't attached to the wall, so you must hold the shower head while you clean, rendering your shower a purely functional rather than pleasurable experience. I suppose the goal there is to conserve water which is a precious commodity in Albania. I also have a television in this hotel room and I am watching CNN while typing this; a real treat for me! I love not having a television because I accomplish so much. I just finished reading Stephen King's On Writing, where he referred to television as the glass teat. What a truthfully witty simile.